Rebecca Black: Friday
Sometimes, something comes along that you have an unnerving feeling is aimed solely at you, produced simply to provoke some kind of response, be it joy, confusion, sadness, or in the case of Rebecca Black’s “Friday”, sheer mind bending, lung shredding disgusted inarticulate rage.
It’s unfortunately impossible to go anywhere on the internet without hearing about this 3 minute 48 second pile of anal oozings, but here is, as a warning, the full thing elaborated in full.
It starts terribly enough, standard poppy electronic noise with somebody running a vocal scale over the top. The singing then comes in with the sound HAL would make if he decided a pop career was better than homicide, auto-tuned so much it becomes impossible to tell where singing ends and synth begins.
The lyrics manage, if this was actually possible, to make the works of undisputed king Sod-Hat Justin Bieber look like fine treatises on the human condition, with such lines as “Tomorrow is Saturday/And Sunday comes after…wards” farting themselves into your brain with all the grace and humanity of a killer donkey walking across a desert of jelly and hot tar.
Next up, the video. Winning the award for the most singularly vapid offering in the entire history of music, it depicts the colossal waste of flesh Rebecca Black singing at you for almost the entire thing, her eyes full of malevolent glee as you genuinely consider filling your bed with petroleum and chain smoking yourself into oblivion.
Oh, and there is a rap. Which is also shit.
There are countless reviews of this song all around the place, and I know one more isn’t going to make any difference. Idiots are still going to buy this thing, but that doesn’t matter. This is the worst thing ever made, comparing it to music is like comparing a delicious treacle tart to having your own laxative fueled bowels emptied in your eyes, and the whole bastard thing deserves the Ol’ Yella treatment: Being taken out back behind the shed and taking both barrels right to the face.
I like it.
Do you like the song or the review?
Would it be clearer if I told you the author of the comment is of the Scholey variety? Haha.
Yeah that makes it quite a lot clearer.